Braving the Wilderness as a 5-year-old Project Perseverance: Journal Entry #2 Written on: Monday 5 February 2018 Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown p.13 “…I just started sobbing. I didn’t break down because I hadn’t made the drill team, I wept for the girl that I couldn’t comfort back then. The girl who didn’t understand what was happening or why…” Photo by Alexander Dummer from Pexels As I read this, I can totally relate. I am processing many moments of pain, regret, disappointment, wounding, misunderstandings, mismatched expectations–many of which have been suppressed for years. I have often been experiencing just what Brene Brown describes here looking back at the devastation to her teenage heart and all the pain and meaning made from not being accepted to the drill team and how all this meaning involved not belonging and the despair of never belonging or fitting in anywhere. I know this feeling well. I cry now for sweet, five-year-old Molly who was beginning to paint a picture during free choice time in kindergarten and the teacher ripped down her painting (just one blue horizontal stroke, so far) and put it on the floor by the window. “It’s not your turn to paint, Molly.” Another child had asked permission to paint at the easel. Because I had not asked (because it was free choice time and we were told we could choose to do anything we wanted), I was humiliated. I never painted again except in art class when we were required to. I remember really wanting to be in art club in high school, but “knew” that I wasn’t good enough and probably wouldn’t be allowed to anyway. And so now, 25 years later, I have learned to say to sweet, five-year-old Molly: “It’s always my turn to paint.” Brown says, “These are the moments that, when left unspoken and unresolved, send us into our adult lives searching desperately for belonging and settling for fitting in.” These five questions have helped me and some of my friends to reflect and notice when something is holding us back or keeping us stuck. They could help you, too. Sign up here. Leave me a comment. What are some of the voices that have echoed in your ears for many years?What do you do when you are “searching desperate for belonging”?What would you like to try today that you lost out on when you were younger? https://mollyovenden.com/what-is-project-perseverance/
What is Project Perseverance? Journal Entry #1 Monday 5 February 2018 New: Project Perseverance I’ve been 31 for a little over a week now. Looking back at my year as a 30-year-old, many things changed. I moved to a different country: from England to the U.S.A.! That was one overarching major change. Now that I’m in my new year and I’ve been in my new Minnesota life for five months now, I have discovered a theme in my life, one that I’ve actually noticed over the past few years, and especially now as I’ve been fighting all the battles associated with change and settling in. Photo by Disha Sheta from Pexels Not only do I need to, but I struggle to…persevere. Probably on a daily basis I want to quit something. I don’t quit, but I usually want to. Life is hard. That’s one guarantee. I am stubborn. I am trying to make changes in my life because I want to grow. When I don’t grow, I am stagnant and the pain of growth, for me, is so much better and more worthwhile of a pursuit. One area in my life where the struggle to persevere is clearly played out is in my relationship with books, reading, and writing. I love books: the smell, look, feel. I love reading! I fall in love with the characters and I love to learn. I am a writer. I regularly have narratives of thoughtful essays spinning through my mind– colourful dialogue between characters I’ve only just met darts about my imagination. Enter: Project Perseverance. I am committing to read books in their entirety, pressing on toward that last page. I am committing to read for pleasure and to read to learn. I am committing to writing regularly about each of the books I endure and enjoy in my year as a 31-year-old. I am excited to give value to how I spend my time with words. Photo by Thought Catalog from Pexels What is something that you struggle to persevere through? In what areas of your life would you like some more grit? What activities require an extra dose of encouragement for you? Sign up here for some creative encouragement regularly delivered to your email inbox. Leave me a comment, if you like!